I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
