I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
