Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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