apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
