Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He better not be in your backpack
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
