Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
