i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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