i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
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But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.