My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
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my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.