question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize