WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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