just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
