youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
