After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
