There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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