u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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