remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
