i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
