Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
