That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
