WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
