Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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