people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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