Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
