They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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