So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
