The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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