I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
