John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
