I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
