Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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