just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it glows. i had to have it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
