My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
