onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
