3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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