I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
