he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
