saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
