the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
