OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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