My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
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