Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
