Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Green mimosas i think yes
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
