she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
