Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
they call him Oral-B. enough said
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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