I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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