you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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