Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.