Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
