working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
false alarm, still single
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
