Don't you send me to vm
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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