I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's the barista slut.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
