I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
