loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
