I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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