worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
