we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
