Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
