I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
