Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
