it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize