Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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