Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
