I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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