I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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