all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I booty called her while she was in labor.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
