I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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