BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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