That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
