Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
