Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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